I've started eating a lot of carbs
                                 it's unlike me
to want the sweet
     over the savory

I've started caring less
                                        about due dates
                                                     timelines

Only one timeline threads my days together
and it doesn't feel in a hurry, or too soon, or
                                                                too late

It all feels just
                         on time

I've started crying with more wafty emotion
                      it comes on like a creeping tide 
                     it leaves as paced as the sunset

I've started waking up more and
                      going back to sleep

   The days go by quicker
The to-dos get less done

I've started holding my belly
                                                  fondly wondering
                                                              how she is
                                                              who she is

I've started being late
          and letting it go

I've started to have dry lips
                  and can eat dairy
                   and can eat nuts
                   with no recourse 

I wonder about sounds and words and names
stringing them together in my mouth to see if
                                                       they feel right
                                                        for a person I
                                                      don't yet know

I've started being more comfortable
                               with whoever I am
                          at any given moment

I've started not going to planned-on things
                      letting go of long-held dreams

I've started making space for my life as a mother
     a creator and a guide and a holder for another

I've started allowing in wants long kept at bay
                                                            just in case
                                         I wouldn't see the day

I've started believing in my lover more
          as I see him show up as a father 
               holding on to our tenderness
                                        staying calmer

I've started appreciating
                                            the bits of time
                                                  and energy
when they come to me
                     just for me
                        in surges

                     Appreciating the quiet of quietest
                                                     moments alone
                                          sensing how precious
                                                            how limited 
the space for them is 
                                      between here
                                               and then
                                                     when
everything is changing
                                          my self is rearranging

A hui ho,
      Julia